Come on down and meet our wonderful staff. You won't find a nicer group of people. These friendly, caring individuals were all hand-picked for their outstanding interpersonal skills, dedication, professionalism and overall ability to make the customer feel right at home.

Sounds pretty good, huh?

Well, the truth is, we flipped a coin and got lucky.

TARA SUE

CHRIS    
Chris was reluctant to provide us with any background information, other than his "Bartending School" degree, telling us that he graduated at the top of his mixology class, even winning honors in the layered drink category. Understandably, we were incredulous and did a background check, subsequently finding that he had never even attended "Bartending School." After a lengthy interrogation, Chris finally admitted that he'd lied, and had no idea what-so-ever on how to tend bar and that he invented his "fanciful yarn" one night while watching the movie "Cocktail." Well, we immediately thought, "What a kidder." and hired him that same day as our "Head Bartender." This is a true story. - MGMT.

DOLANN    
I was born and raised in Los Angeles, but believe me, there is no obvious dysfunction. I too, am another wanna-be thespian, and every Saturday night can be found at Trailer Park "acting" like the cutest, most charming, engaging, reasonable and lovely waitperson you will ever encounter. Come in and see for yourself. I'll be waiting...

DIONNE    
Hi, I'm Dionne. First, let me be quite honest. I owe the nice folks at the Trailer Park a real debt of gratitude. They took a chance on me when no one else would. My "Uncle Daddy" kicked me out of our mobile home with all my worldly possessions, which amounted to $6, my Junior High School diploma, and my late Momma's dentures. When I had nowhere to turn, the Trailer Park took me in. I mean, I had to sleep in the basement for the first six months but it helped to build my character and gave me time to think about my future. Now I know what I need to do in life. I need to find a real, "genuine," New York City "Uncle Daddy." So, to all applicants: if you have a heartbeat, like Crisco Oil, and speak fluent Senegalese, come on down and say hello.

MARIA    
Hi! I'm Maria. Originally from Russia, I don't remember seeing any trailer parks as a child. I was told that all our country's trailers were confiscated and given to the state to be melted down for military use. Nonetheless, that never stopped me from developing a taste for the finer things in life, like beer-can wind chimes, polishing wax fruit and taking my metal detector to the beach. Recently, I was scavenging through the sand with my metal detector, looking for some loose change, when some sun-worshipper told me to move my big butt, 'cause I was blocking his sun. Can you believe the nerve of that lifeguard? Believe me, my butt is not that big. It only looks that way from certain angles, or when I'm standing next to a normal person. Why don't you just come down to the Trailer Park and judge for yourself?

LYNDSEY
Hi, I'm Lyndsey. I was born in the South, but have lived mostly in all the states that start with the letter "I." Can you name them? Now residing in Brooklyn. I'm a writer, actor and future guitar playing "Rock Goddess." Come in and see me at the Trailer Park, and I'll play you a song. Then we'll pass the hat. (Answers to quiz: Illinois, Idaho, Iowa and Indiana).

TRISHA     
I was born and raised right here in NYC. I am the antithesis of a real "New Yawka." I have more in common with the Northern CA "tree-hugging," "turtle-saving" hippies of the late '60's. Isn't that sad? My ultimate goal in life is to secure a Gov't grant for about two million dollars, to study the annual mating habits of the South American water rat. I'm basically Janis Joplin reincarnate. I'm not a real rock star, but more of a "fake one." I am a serious, kick-ass, top-level, anytime, anyplace "Karaoke Pro." Give me a microphone, a stage and some cheap lighting and you'll have to drag me off kicking and screaming. Evidently, I was born lacking the "embarrassment gene." C'mon down and see me some time!

HANS    
Hi, I'm Hans, also known as the "Weekend Prince." I was born and raised in Watertown, North Dakota, which is reason enough to like me. I enjoy whistling, walking and waking up. Professionally, I am a sketch comedian who likes big breasted women. Oh, did I say that?

BRIAN "THE MAC"  [SECURITY]    
I'm an ex-military, black-ops insurgency expert. Stealthy, like a cat. Like to dress in Roman gladiator outfits. Also, an Olympic-Rated "Valley Yodeler," and an all-around nice guy.